A Protester's Guide to Democracy

Future Home Minister of the New Alliance Government

Since you protesters are all too busy chasing down "absolute democracy" to pay much attention to the future; perhaps, we here at blogdai can put our heads together and help you get an idea about what will happen if you win. So, let's compare the Nepal you will be creating to an actual democracy and see how close it will be to that "absolute" mark you are striving towards.

1. Unlike those elected to govern a real democracy, all you guys know how to accomplish with some skill is a street protest. If your new government has a "Department of Riots" then you might be ok. Otherwise, you may have to deal with sticky citizen issues like traffic, sewage, water, public safety, national security, economic deficits and other pesky issues that are not nearly as important as throwing a rock through the palace window. Perhaps you can now protest the new workload you've inherited.

2. Some citizens may not agree with your views. In a democracy, people who do not agree voice their dissatisfaction through the election process. I suppose now, this issue will get the full attention of your newest buddies the Maoists. They know just what to do with dissenters.

3. Elections. There's that inconvenient concept again. You and your leaders shun these like the plague. Haven't had one in, what, 8 years now? In a real democracy, elections help a ruling body maintain its honesty and give citizens a voice in their government. Since the Nepali Congress Party has always relied on nepotism for fresh political blood, you can probably just go back to ignoring the election thing. You guys "speak for the people" anyway, so you might as well throw away that annoying democratic concept of equal representation as well.

4. Security. One of the pillars of a democracy is the provision for public safety against all threats, domestic and foreign. You've already established a riot mentality and a disregard for municipal laws designed to protect life and property, so I guess anything goes in the streets of Kathmandu from now on, right? If I don't like the price of dhal bat, is it now OK for me to throw a rock through Girija's office window in protest? On a national level, the Maoists will protect Nepal's borders and insure sovereignty with the same zeal they apply to torturing pregnant women, right? What to do with all of those RNA posts and trained officers may pose a problem, however; they just don't seem to want to work with crooks and terrorists. Wait, I get it now, you will give Nepal to India and let them worry about security. Brilliant! Oh, wait, where will that leave your little alliance with the Maoists, sorry... back to the drawing board.

5. International Relations. The U.S. won't deal with Koirala and the rest of the world won't deal with terrorists so what will you do? You seem to imply that you know all there is about running an "absolute democracy" so, as usual, foreign advisors are out. Democracies in the international arena also play by a lot of those rules established by the UN. You can ignore these by claiming "foreign interference." Plus, those human rights declarations might ruffle a few Maoist feathers and we don't want to anger Nepal's new National Army, do we? Just let the foreigners filter their concerns through India.

6. National Economy. No foreign country will feel comfortable investing in a new Nepal where Maoists have not only failed to be controlled, but are more than likely running the show. You might see good earning potential from an "extortion tax" however. Likewise, kiss goodbye about 50% of your GDP. This used to take the form of foreign aid, but NGO's may not feel as safe out in the field with the Maoists running around unchecked. Prachanda's boys can be a spirited lot, they.



All in all, democracy will be what you, the Alliance define it to be. Why break from past patterns now? It's all about getting rich and doing whatever you want right? Let India tackle all the hard issues since the sovereign entity that once was Nepal is now a mere satellite. Make India earn it....

....you might earn yourself a tidy profit if you do.

-=blogdai